So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
