So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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