I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
