There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
