oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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