My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
