When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is wine microwaveable?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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