Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize