dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
