I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
