why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
