And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
