I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
