I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drake has all the answers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Never underestimate the power of titties
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
