She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
