Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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