Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just gift wrapped bread.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
