my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
