What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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