I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
