You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
