are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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