I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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