rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize