he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
