I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
