Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
