If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
