You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
