The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
