ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
