Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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