A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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