Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she looked like the before picture.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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