he puts the penis in happiness.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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