Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
