come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
