First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
