i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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