when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
