I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
