so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
