apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
