party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
