ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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