I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
