i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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