i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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