Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize