No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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