Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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