hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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