super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
