I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
