Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
