I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
