I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
