I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am available for nakedness
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
