ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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