Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
