so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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