i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
