He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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