I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
