How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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