I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
