Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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