that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
