That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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