drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
