cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
40s are totally the cure
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
